Cant keep a girl down for long! (does that sound dirty?)

Ha! Well, all those changes happened or are in the process of happening and I am still here! Nobody died, nobody lost an eye. I’m still kicking and better than ever! Except… for the small head cold problem that feels like the snot in my brain is trying to push through my eyeballs! Ugh and Yuck! Yes, I know, gross!

I am sitting at work, in my new desk listening to Blue Rodeo greatest hits http://www.bluerodeo.com (they actually have their own radio on the website that plays all Blue Rodeo, all the time – I know further proof I am a loser) anyways… back to my thought…. In my new desk and thinking well ok, you are surviving the ups and downs and changes – BUT WHAT NOW?! Actually, I am more than surviving. … I am simply on fire at work. A fricken genius really. =) =) Seriously, if I cannot toot my own horn – who will?

Ok, I’m done. Have a great day.
k

ps Thanks Jasmine (Jen’s sister) for your lovely comments. I am enjoying your blog too. Very much. KEEP UPDATING! Looking forward to hearing about your Bhangra lessons with Jen… nothing better than a little ‘lightbulb dance’ to brighten your day! Remind me to tell you about New Years 2005 – serious lightbulb dance experience!

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Changes

Every time I turn around something or someone in my life is changing. The universe seems to want me to run along behind my life picking up the pieces of change and reassembling it to make my new life. It would be helpful if the universe would provide me with a picture of what the end result is supposed to look like. A blueprint. A hint. Anything.

My job. I am being ridiculous. Pathetic even. I miss my job. I miss working for my boss. I was comfortable there. I ran around like crazy, I was NEEDED and appreciated. Things changed and I was moved around. It was out of my control. But I’ve never missed a job like this before.

My friend. You know who you are. You are moving on. I wish, my friend, you could have done it in another way and left behind a trail of happy memories instead of the bad ones you ended it with. Even still, I feel a loss, not bitterness. I will, and do, miss you my friend.

My daughter. That incredible creature. The wind blew her in my direction for almost the entire month of December. I was mom again. The only role I really know (and want). She has moved on again and happy. Good for her.

Dating. While I was looking the other way and getting some much needed ‘me’ time I neglected my dating life. I got to know two people, one in particular (*sigh*) … these two amazing women ended up finding each other. Ouch. That one smarted a little. But good for you both. When two people find each other it is a good thing. =) But sheesh – EACH OTHER! =) Double ouch. I feel a small sense of loss in this.

Meeting new people. I have been lucky enough through volunteering, changes in the job to be meeting new people. This has been good for me. New people doing different things. New people with different outlooks and perspectives on life. New friends are great, a gift, but cannot replace the old ones.

Not one of these events are significant enough to make me want to hide under the covers … but slowly over tim and putting them together I feel odd, out of sorts and blue. With all this change I am having a hard time separating the real losses from the annoying little scrapes of regular life. I am almost feeling fragile. I can hear the laughter of those who know me right now… but there it is. That is how I feel. Like if I just stay away from people until my old scrapes heal…

Ah. Maybe I just need a new purpose? God, maybe I never had a purpose to begin with? Will the extra volunteering I’m doing this year give me a sense of purpose????

WHAT I REALLY NEED is a little control over the steering wheel. Or at least the illusion of it.

Possible? Dunno. Hopefully. =)

Fall on Your Knees

Final proof I’m a bit of a loser….

I am on the bus this morning and see this girl. Beautiful long hair, nice skin… anyways… ahem not the point.

She was reading Fall on Your Knees by Ann-Marie MacDonald. I looked at the cover of the book and her face while she was reading and remembered everything I felt when I read that book. I was dying to ask her what part she was at … Did she get that rock in the pit of her stomach when she reads parts of this story … Nope, cant be a normal girl and just check her out … want to know how she feels about the book she is reading. Her thoughts and opinions.

Shaking my head … seriously … Embarassed to be me. =) Maybe I should join a book club and buy ten cats??

quote =)

Well behaved women rarely make history.

Laurel Thatcher Ulrich

So there. Just go for it.

Chills

I just had a conversation with a woman at work. A friend. She is this amazing woman, married forever, two teenage kids. Very strong. Very good at what she does at work and a very loving, strong, capable mother.

She told me a story today that broke my heart and made me want to hug Meg and not let her go.

She is a good mom who prefers to drive her children to and from anywhere they go. They are good kids and dont mind this … she worries about them and wants them safe. Normal mom stuff.

Her son was at work the other night and she told her husband that she was going for a run and to pick up their son from work when he calls. The father told the son to walk home. Three blocks from home her son was jumped. Five boys got him on the ground and kicked him in the head and body. If it was not for a car driving by and the headlights shining on her boy’s face who knows how far that would have gone.

I felt my knees go weak when she told me. I am one of those worriers who assumes because I think in advance about all the possible horrors that these bad things wont happen. …

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