I am going to hell … this time for sure … =)

I have always been fascinated by diaries, journals and now, of course, blogs. Did you know that Anais Nin kept a journal for almost her entire young adult/adult life? That is very intriguing to me. She is intriguing to me. Part of it was the way she led her life (the affairs, the alleged bisexuality), part of it was the diaries. Who chronicles their life in that way??? I would have to research more but from what I understand she kept a journal for a good portion of her life.
If you think about it – you could spend a lifetime with someone and not truly know a person. Actually this is most likely. Your family, friends, lovers, husbands, wives, whomever. You really do not know their innermost thoughts. Not about everything. But a diary or journal (being that it is written for yourself, not an audience) would be someone’s internal, deepest, secret thoughts. I would think that it takes a lot of self-discipline to keep a regular diary. I have sporadically written throughout my life. I love short stories, poems, quotes. I have on various occasions started a diary and found that I only write in it when there is something hurtful, devastating or bad to write about. Maybe that is just me though?? Possibly. I’ve never claimed to be normal. Again, as my mom would say, what’s normal???? I also, obviously, keep this blog. But this blog is not private so therefore, you really are only getting a fraction of what I think on certain subjects that I choose to share. I am not saying it is full of untruths, I am saying it is written knowing there is an audience. My fans, if you will! =)))) I probably share things that I shouldnt.
If you do not know who Anais Nin is – GOOGLE her! (I know this is getting long, but the hell part is coming…)
Two of my favourite Anais Nin Quotes:
1. There came a time when the risk to remain tight in the bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.
2. We don’t see things as they are, we see them as we are.
And, apparently, there are others more fascinated by her than I am: http://www.thinkingofanaisnin.blogspot.com/
I have read, re-read and recommend “Henry and June”. It is a novel written from excerpts of Anais’ personal journal chronicling her affair (while she was married) with Henry Miller (please tell me you know who Henry Miller is!) and his wife June. There is some debate over whether Anais actually had a physical relationship with June. Who really knows? If you go by her diary, she did. There is a lot of speculation that Anias Nin wrote her diary knowing there would be an audience. Whether that audience be friends, lovers, acquaintances or strangers … does this mean you cannot trust the facts in it or does it mean that it is still true but written in a different way, with reasons other than writing for personal growth and/or therapy?
This is way longer than intended, good thing I type 90 odd words a minute – one more thing before I get to the I’m going to hell part.
Dooce
Blogger. Amazing writer.
Stumbled across her blog from a friend’s blog. She was fired for the content in her blog. Lesson – NEVER, ever write about work, work people – even if you do it anonymously. Even if you do not mention the company’s name.
To make Dooce’s story even more interesting she lives in Utah and comes from a Mormon family and became media fodder for being fired from her job, therefore making her blog (and her opinions on Mormonism) public to her family. I think she is an entertaining, fearless writer and am full on, addicted to her blog. She is very sarcastic and all her stories (writing since 2001 I think) have a great Dooce perspective and are worth the read. Check it out.
http://www.dooce.com/
Anyways, the I’m going to hell part:
Chico and I stumbled upon two diaries recently. They were lying on the side of the road. I picked them up and took them home with the intention of returning them to the writer. I thought that if it was me I wouldn’t want my private thoughts out on the side of the road for any psycho to read. Turns out I’m the psycho. I woke up at 3 a.m. last night and couldn’t sleep. I had a teensy peek at them. Fine, all right, two hours or so… I honestly had every intention (and still do) of returning the diaries, I just didn’t have time this weekend. The woman who wrote them put her address and name in the cover. But now what? Drop them and run? I am a terrible liar and she will know I read them if I face her to return them. She was just so fascinating and oh so very human and well, I have no excuse. I want her to have her (what used to be) private thoughts back but now don’t know how to go about it. I guess it is likely I will mail them.
Yes, I know I suck. I suck huge. Send your hatemail to the email addy above. When you send your hatemail could you please tell me if you keep a diary? And your thoughts on blogging, diaries, journals, whatever … as you can see, I am a little obsessed with the subject now. Help feed my problem! =)
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