a little R and R and then my bubble burst …

The good stuff first.

The tears part later.

This weekend was about getting away from the loft and getting some much needed Rest and Relaxation.

It was great!

I feel great!

And quite frankly, I look great too! Smiling, brighter eyes, shiny hair, all good happy things. =)

I love being with my best friend. As soon as I put my head on his shoulder, it is like I am home and all my worries fall away.

Friday night: very cosy, watched the movie “The Last Kiss”. Sad movie. My take on it: Human beings just don’t realize what they need sometimes until its too late.

Saturday: My Aunt’s beautiful house on her little private lake. She has two dogs, a wonderful husband (my uncle Ellis), five cats and a bunch of running ducks. It was amazing. Good company, good stories, a sunshiny day and a nice cup of tea! Thanks Auntie Carole!

Saturday night: Food, candy and watched another movie “The Great New Wonderful”. Another cosy relaxing night.

Sunday:

English Antique Car Show in Fort Langley. FUN!

Lunch at the Fort Langley pub – Strawberry Crepes, some Baileys and hot water… got a yummy little afternoon delight buzz going and then we headed off to the Fort Wine Co.

Cute little place.

Did a little wine tasting, had a little focaccia bread with cranberry balsamic vinegar. I was completely spoiled with a box of those awesome Lesley Stowe Raincoast Crips, a bottle of the cranberry balsamic vinegar and a bottle of the wine – THANK YOU! The one that I liked the best out of all the ones I tried was the the Green Apple wine, it was the driest.

The day was topped off with a nice drive in the country … all in all a spectacular day/weekend.

Now, about the tears…

I bought a new book this weekend. Alice Munroe, “Away From Her”. Nutshell: the story of an aging couple’s relationship that is tested as the woman develops Alzheimer’s disease and forgets her long years of marriage.

The forward is what got me going. It is written by Sarah Polley and is about her lover’s opinions on love. True love. Adult love.

He told her that he didn’t believe that love was the name for the butterflies he had in his stomach after three weeks. The butterflies were there, but he didn’t think they were … important. He told her of his parents, how they had been together for forty-five years, and how sometimes, as his mother washed the dishes, her husband would approach her as she worked, slip his arms around her waist and lightly kiss the back of her neck. He thought that this endurance was the definition of love, not that initial insanity. If something remained, some inexplicable, intangible thread managed to stay unbroken, after the betrayals and the hurt and the disappointment that any marriage must surely endure, then that was what he was willing to concede must be love.

EXACTLY! Really, exactly.

This is what I believe to be true. I want and need the butterflies but in no way have them confused with the idea of unconditional love and lifelong friendship in a marriage.

The tears came in when Chico decided to tell me the truth about life and love in reality. He believes this kind of love, the one I dream of, rarely develops anymore. He believes in this day and age that kind of love just doesn’t happen. What he said rang true. It felt true enough to upset me. I mean really upset me. The bubble was burst and the dam broke! There were a lot of tears!

The thing is I am happy dating, have no problem being on my own. I am quite independent and I would rather be with no one than the wrong one. I am busy, I have a beautiful child, I have solid friends, a good family and love and happiness in my life. I have ups and down and hardships like anyone else but I can honestly say I feel loved and supported. I am in no hurry to be in a ‘relationship’.

… But the truth is … the end goal of any dating I do is to someday fall in love like described above. Unconditionally, completely in love. I want someone beside me in life to add to the already good things I have. I want someone to show me more. I want someone to share the things we want to do together and someone to come home to share the stuff that I do on my own. I want someone who will let me lean on them without having to talk about it. I want someone who will love me when I am being a bit of an ass. I want someone who cares what I am doing when I am out and about making my way in the world, even when we are out and about doing separate things.

Chico doesn’t believe that kind of love exists anymore. At the very least, rarely. And maybe he is right. People just don’t ‘stick’ anymore. We don’t work through hard times, there always seems to be another ‘love’ around the corner. Some greener pasture, better bigger love, something pulling us away from one another.

*Sigh*

As Carrie said on Sex in the City said (and Lindsey in her blog on Saturday): “I just want someone to stand still with for a minute.”

Ok, I’m done.

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3 Comments

  1. jen said,

    April 24, 2007 at 10:22 am

    rare, but not non-existant…

  2. Autumn Storm said,

    October 21, 2007 at 10:54 am

    I think the curve is on it’s way up again.

  3. AC said,

    May 7, 2008 at 7:41 pm

    Sorry I’m digging a little far back here 🙂

    Who would have thought the cashier-turned-drug dealer from “Go” would turn out to be a good director…

    … and have really erudite thoughts on love.

    I think she’s absolutely right. People want to describe it as magic. But the magic is finding someone special. Someone so special that you’re motivated to DECIDE to endure. A key part of love is sacrifice — giving of yourself. Time. Effort. Giving up personal dreams for shared dreams (one of the big parts that makes enduring love so rare today).

    But ultimately it’s a choice to make something last. And choosing to make it last a lifetime. I must be reality-show jaded, because I’d have to be hit in the head with an old married couple to believe it still exists.


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