on being substantial

sub·stan·tial –adjective
1. of ample or considerable amount, quantity, size, etc.: a substantial sum of money.
2. of a corporeal or material nature; tangible; real.
3. of solid character or quality; firm, stout, or strong: a substantial physique.
4. basic or essential; fundamental: two stories in substantial agreement.
5. wealthy or influential: one of the substantial men of the town.
6. of real worth, value, or effect: substantial reasons.
7. pertaining to the substance, matter, or material of a thing.
8. of or pertaining to the essence of a thing; essential, material, or important.
9. being a substance; having independent existence.
10. Philosophy. pertaining to or of the nature of substance rather than an accident or attribute.
–noun
something substantial.

—Synonyms: stable, sound, On being substantial
sub·stan·tial –adjective

Am hurting a little today. Something happened to make me feel like I am failing somewhere, somehow at who I want to be. I suddenly feel like I do not possess the qualities I need to hold onto what is or who is important to me. Can this be true?

At the end of it all. When my ashes are being scattered across the ocean I want to be remembered for being a substantial human being.
Someone with layers.
I want to be remembered for doing good in the world.
I want to make a difference.
I want to have possessed positive qualities amongst my flaws … I want to do things for people that matter.
Outer beauty is fleeting (how cliché is that?) and at the end of the day does not mean anything. Physical beauty’s only purpose (that I can see) is to initially attract potential partners… if there is nothing else behind the skin, the eyes, the hair and clothes then there is not much else to hold onto. I have something else there really… please just look.

I hope the words ‘kind’, ‘loving’, ‘giving’, ‘caring’ would be words that come off your lips once I am gone.

And I hope I was loved …

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7 Comments

  1. Trée said,

    July 4, 2007 at 10:22 am

    {deep listening}

    My heart hears your heart. Virtual hugs on the way to a fellow visitor on this green earth that writes as if she knows my thoughts.

    Love and Peace Kelly.

  2. KellyNerd said,

    July 4, 2007 at 10:53 am

    We must think similarly because whenever I read what you write I get goosebumps…. =) thank you.

  3. jane said,

    July 4, 2007 at 1:06 pm

    kelly nerd … reading your beautiful words … of course you hold qualities worth possessing and loving … i’m sure you are substantial … dont let anyone make you feel otherwise …

  4. Anonymous said,

    July 4, 2007 at 3:44 pm

    Kelly, Never doubt the qualties you possess. You are a kind and caring person and friends and family love and care about you. We all have flaws – what we do about them is what counts.
    Tink

  5. KellyNerd said,

    July 4, 2007 at 4:21 pm

    Tink. You are always so supportive. I hope you’ll let me do the same in August! =)

  6. angelic_ravage said,

    July 5, 2007 at 2:13 pm

    it’ll happen… it just happened to me. i was appreciated for the first time in forever. feeling worthy or worth it is quite the precious little treasure isn’t it…? every facet of your gem shines like the beauty inside of you that radiates though you and blinds us until only our inner strengths can pull you through. there faking it until i’m making it. smile on you…. 😉

  7. Leiselb said,

    July 9, 2007 at 4:28 pm

    Oh I love this post…


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