i need you …

Dear blogging friends,

I need your help. My daughter needs me. Really needs me. I do not like to write about my daughter’s personal life and I cannot now.  Just suffice it to say this is not small stuff. It never has been with my baby.

I need you.

I am not feeling myself still and I need to be there for her. She came home. She is under my roof. She needs her mama. She needs my strength, my love and my courage to figure out the right direction, hold her hand and lead her there. I have to help her make decisions, lead her to a logical train of thought. I need to try and understand, be calm, caring. She is scared. To tell you the truth I am scared. I feel awfully alone here today in this.

The caring part is easy, I love her to pieces. She is my life, my heart, my everything. There is just no easy answers here. I can write a list, pro and cons, try and look at it objectively, but really there is no good answer. We are looking at the best idea for a bad situation…

I am facing this myself and my strength is not where it needs to be. I used to be so strong. I need to find that woman again, right now. And I am on my own with this one…

I cannot fail her now.  There is no room for failure or uncertainty.

Send us some love through the keys on your computer. We need it. Just a little piece of your strength to get up tomorrow again and do what needs to be done. Small steps every morning to put things in order, back on track.

Most of all would you please tap on your guardian angel’s shoulder so we have all the angels around us to help me keep my daughter safe from this big bad world.

I need you now.

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28 Comments

  1. frantzb said,

    November 3, 2007 at 10:31 pm

    All I can say is be open minded and don’t be shocked by anything she tells you. The future of yall trusting relationship depends on how you respond to what she tells you. I have a daughter myself and believe me handling what she tells you will be hard, but one thing to remember is you was her age at one time and made mistakes too. This will be worth it when she feels she can come to you about anything and you will still love her.

    Hope I helped some.

    Frantz

  2. Autumn Storm said,

    November 3, 2007 at 10:50 pm

    That she has your love and support, always no matter what happens, will go a very long way to seeing her through the hardest of times. Together you will find the right answers.
    Sending it all, thoughts, hope, faith, hugs a-plenty, xo

  3. Trée said,

    November 3, 2007 at 11:16 pm

    Nerdy, me and Kyra and Rog and Von and Em and Yul and Trev and Mairi and Kieran and John and Ariel are sending all the love we have. I think Ariel said it best to Em in the last chapter: “Together, we are stronger than you think.” I would say the same of you and Megan.

    Love and hugs and a few squeezes thrown in for good measure. Thoughts and prayers too.

    Oh, and Taren sends his love too as well as Goldie and Pinkie.

  4. jlb said,

    November 4, 2007 at 1:03 am

    i am here….a keyboard or phone call away…you are stronger than you think….you two will find a way through…
    j.

  5. Syd said,

    November 4, 2007 at 1:43 am

    Much as I hate to admit it, mothers do know best…even when they feel uncertain.

    Thinking about you…

  6. valleygirl71 said,

    November 4, 2007 at 3:12 am

    Oh, wow. My thoughts are with you and your daughter.

    I wish there was more I could do to help. If you need an ear, or want to talk, shoot me an e-mail.

  7. November 4, 2007 at 5:07 am

    i dont know whats the problem is?but i must say that be positive and live your life coolly

  8. Caroline said,

    November 4, 2007 at 1:49 pm

    Sending you lots of hugs and good thoughts. It will all be OK.

  9. Trée said,

    November 4, 2007 at 2:23 pm

    Nerdy, we’re all here if you need us. Just so you know.

  10. sizzlesays said,

    November 4, 2007 at 3:36 pm

    i’ve often been in that place where i felt like i had nothing left to give and that is when i found more. hidden reserves! and loving someone the way you do your daughter, you’ll do just fine. that kind of love is unstoppable…and can make a person forget themselves and their own troubles for a little while. maybe being there for her will help you believe in yourself more?

    i hope the best for both of you!

  11. bighair said,

    November 4, 2007 at 3:54 pm

    the strong warrior women is still in you
    it’s just hiding for a while
    u can do this
    u are there for Megan and she knows it
    i will send my karma lots of it

  12. Autumn Storm said,

    November 4, 2007 at 5:52 pm

    Brought hot chocolate and an unlimited supply of marshmellows. Thinking of you both, xo

  13. Trée said,

    November 4, 2007 at 9:03 pm

    Nerdy, I dedicated today’s chapter to you. Enjoy:

    Forks silver gleamed in the gloaming not to rise as legs of metal, worn of battle and weary of weight, screeched on floors silent in words not wise. Vittles of origin not questioned, slipped between lips without confession, as eyes looked about as strangers lost for expression. Heard in ear and not of chest, hearts beat alone as if not blessed. And from the aged not slain, innocence spoke not in vain.

    “May I say the blessing?” asked Ariel.

    And upon those words did spoon and fork, as not before and neither since, stood attention of soldier before their prince. Then as if a trellis rose, Von’s tongue let loose this prose.

    “Yes my child a blessing to be, given forth my dear on bended knee.”

    As one from the other, heads dropped to her without mother and if an angel could have surmised, the sight before had no equal in sunrise. Simple words of love were spoken, by a little heart not broken. And eyes once dry remained no longer, as hearts once weak became stronger.

    Love and Hugs my friend.

  14. NerdGirl said,

    November 4, 2007 at 10:59 pm

    Thank you my friends. I draw strength from you so that my daughter can draw strength from me.

  15. Lindsey said,

    November 4, 2007 at 11:24 pm

    Fear not…you’re never given more than you can handle. And trust me when I say that you are stronger than you ever thought you could be, especially when it comes to your daughter. But we are here for you…we’ll hold your hand until you’re ready for us to let go.

  16. alan said,

    November 5, 2007 at 9:31 am

    To get to this age, I know I’ve had many a guardian angel looking over me; they are all yours now, along with every positive vibe and good wish I have in my soul!

    My strength, my heart, whatever you need…

    alan

  17. Gwen said,

    November 5, 2007 at 11:31 am

    I did a search on “people that come into your life” and found your old blog that lead me to your new. I hope you don’t mind me posting. I too have an 18 year old daughter. You have the strength you just need to believe in yourself. It’s there. Thinking of it like Dorothy, the good witch Glenda said you have had the power all along. You will not fail her. You both will make it through. When I feel lost and doomed, I pray. I am not religious. You may find strength there as well. My mother gave me this guardian angel to watch over me. Sending her protectiveness to watch over you and Megan. You’re a woman, you have the strength.

    Just “believe” in yourself.

    Gwen

  18. moderngeartv said,

    November 5, 2007 at 6:15 pm

    You have more strength than you know. I will echo what Gwen says…you are a woman. You have, in a place somewhere deep that you have not gone to yet, a reserve of strength that is deep enough for you, for your daughter, and for more.

    She needs you now, and you need her. I want to send you a picture…I have to find your e-mail address around here. If I haven’t sent it by the time you get this comment, e-mail me your addy and I will.

    And finally, a favourite quote:

    “Be a warrior, not a worrier.”
    (notsalmon.com)

    You DO have it in you.

  19. Keri said,

    November 5, 2007 at 6:18 pm

    SO sending positive thoughts your way. You may feel weak and tired but you are strong and brave. And for the times you don’t believe it, we will give it to you here.

  20. prin said,

    November 5, 2007 at 7:49 pm

    Hey. Listen. You want to talk about strength? Talk about a girly who stood up to a perfect stranger when she thought she was disrespected. 😉 That’s strength.

    I don’t even think you really need help with it. 🙂

    (hugs)

    Good luck. I hope everything works out somehow.

  21. b said,

    November 5, 2007 at 9:43 pm

    I’m not sure what’s going on, but I think you’ll be able to handle it. As mothers, we’re good at pushing our own needs aside to care for our kids. You and your daughter are definitely in my prayers.

  22. katelin said,

    November 5, 2007 at 9:48 pm

    Sending hugs and prayers that everything will be okay. Good luck. 🙂

  23. Lala said,

    November 5, 2007 at 9:54 pm

    Hi darlin, Good of you to stop by & say hi to US.. 🙂
    to let you know we Both send to you all the strenght ,Love & faith you might need to help your wonderful girl & yourself get through what ever challenge you are now facing 🙂

    *HUGS* hon… & write anytime..

  24. November 6, 2007 at 5:45 am

    Oh my. When sh** hits the fan it’s so very difficult to know what steps to take… wishing you both peace despite your circumstances. Hoping you’re both so much more than okay. If not, know that I’m happy to chat… feel free to email anytime…

  25. Valley Girl said,

    November 6, 2007 at 6:27 pm

    How are you doing? Just checking in.

  26. Megan *daughter said,

    November 6, 2007 at 6:42 pm

    thank you so much guys. My mom is an amazing person and it feels so good to see so many people supporting her and I. You guys are great friends,and with your help and hers we will both get through this 🙂

  27. bighair said,

    November 6, 2007 at 7:32 pm

    i am making a list tonight.

  28. NerdGirl said,

    November 9, 2007 at 4:10 pm

    Dear Friends:

    Thanks for your kind, encouraging, warm words. I felt them from wherever they were being sent from.

    Much love back to you all.

    Kelly


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