making relationships work …

love.jpg

Tell me blog friends – especially those of you in long term marriages or relationships – what makes it work?  What makes it last through the tough times, the times when you feel let down, the times when you are tempted to stray?  How do you do it?

And tell me, what do you think are the top five things you need for a healthy relationship?

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10 Comments

  1. sizzlesays said,

    January 11, 2008 at 3:42 am

    i want to know the answer to that question too!

    i haven’t been in a long term relationship in…oh, 12 years? but when i think about the healthy relationship i want it includes: honesty, laughter, communication, affection, support of the other person.

  2. NerdGirl said,

    January 11, 2008 at 4:47 am

    Well Sizz, that all sounds logical to me! Cannot wait to see what the others have to say!

  3. jlb said,

    January 11, 2008 at 5:36 am

    okay, well not in a relatinship, but i believe that one of the cornerstones of a healthy one is when the partners want what is best for each other, not only what is best for themselves…
    j.

  4. Steph said,

    January 11, 2008 at 5:29 pm

    My boyfriend and I have been through a few rough times in the short time that we have been together. There have been more times that I have wanted to tell him to take a flying leap, but just haven’t been able to for the simple fact that I love him. I see the potential that he has and I am able to see what makes our bad times bad. I know that when he gets scared and pushes me away, it is because of his past. But with every hard time, there is learning, understanding, growing as a couple and we are able to work past things and actually become stronger. It definitely isn’t easy by any means. There are lot of time that I think that just cutting ties and moving on would be better, but that is the easy way out.

    In the beginning, I would run to all my friends and tell them what was going on and try to get their advice. My family would give me their opinions and then I would compile all of them and make a decision. Worst thing I could have done. That and acting on emotion. Now, I don’t do or say anything until I have really spent some time ALONE and thought things over and through. Only then can I make a decision and be comfortable with it and know that it is what is best for me and what I want, not what other people want. I am truly thankful that I haven’t turned my back on those low times because I wouldn’t be the person I am today or where I am at.

    I think for any healthy relationship you need to have trust, good communication, be friends, have fun, and openness. There are plenty of other things, but these are the ones that I have found to be most important.

    Good topic! I want to see what others have to say on it.

  5. prin said,

    January 11, 2008 at 5:42 pm

    Can I answer even though I’m on the other side of a failed relationship?

    What makes it work is respect and admiration, imo. With respect, you don’t stray. With admiration, you never fall out of lust. With both, you don’t question the other person’s intentions and motives.

    I think a major thing is communication. Like with cheating. If you provide an open and calm environment to discuss concerns, most likely the other person would use it should they feel the urge to stray. I think if you open the infidelity door, they probably won’t walk through it.

    As for healthy, to me that depends on the people involved. Some relationships just aren’t healthy no matter how much both parties try.

    It’s more about finding the person who lifts you up and makes you a better version of yourself than about trying to be healthy.

    *shrug*

  6. syd said,

    January 11, 2008 at 5:49 pm

    I found somebody that can put up with my shit. So far (17 yrs), so good. That’s only partially tongue-in-cheek.

    We’ve had this discussion between the two of us and agree that OUR relationship works because of laughter and shared hobbies. Of course, there’s more to it, but in our minds, that’s what works for us.

  7. Autumn Storm said,

    January 11, 2008 at 7:08 pm

    How would I know, my longest lasted 2 years, but I couldn’t stop myself from answering anyway. 😀 Love is a given, balance in all things is essential, honesty crucial, freedom, communication, novelty, good old fashioned fun and several other things would branch from the three.

  8. katelin said,

    January 11, 2008 at 8:27 pm

    top 5.
    love
    trust
    honesty
    time
    humor

    that’s what i think at least. 🙂

  9. m.e. said,

    January 12, 2008 at 3:56 pm

    i’m over 70, and this STILL seems like a trick question. i haven’t the foggiest what makes a given relationship work. the leader at a forum conference once asked “what are the possibilities in a relationship you know is going to end”…because they all end at some point, either by death or divorce or circumstances. from the vantage point of old age, i’d say several things make a relationship lively and satisfying: play, friends, and a sense of humor. whether these are enough to make it WORK is a whole other question. some work, some don’t, all are wonderful–even the bad ones.

  10. lazyppod said,

    January 15, 2008 at 7:35 pm

    Never give up on a relationship.
    Love unconditionally.
    If you are fighting to win, you have already lost.
    Patience.
    Trust.


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