WANTED: Partner In Crime

My partner in crime has gone m.i.a for months now.

Positive qualities in Partner in Crime:

  • a love of Jaegermeister
  • French Toast for dinner – Yes!
  • a secret addiction to Coronation Street !!!
  • understanding the appeal of spending an entire Sunday watching Sopranos reruns, or alternatively, sitting at the Cecil (or both)
  • Must be prepared to eat like a King, be loved like a best friend should and receive lots of hugs (Im a hugger)
  • Must have experience with occasional stubborness
  • … and craziness
  • and a little more stubborness
  • Must not hit on my girlfriend!  =)
  • capable of unconditional love despite numerous flaws (which, of course, we do not talk about!)
  • Theory!
  • capable of making an occasional McGriddle run (lol McGriddle runs OFTEN!)

In return Partner In Crime will receive

  • Lots of baking
  • Lots of love
  • mild irritation
  • someone in your corner, even when you are wrong or have been very, very bad!
  • unconditional love
  • a friend that will get you into events like Exotic Dancers for Cancer
  • a friend who can make a mean martini and still cook you a roast
  • sometimes running jump start hugs when I havent seen you in awhile
  • a friend who will notice the hot chick before you do
  • the PERFECT Wing(wo)man

Miss You.

next step part II

“Just hand over the McGriddle and nobody gets hurt.”

Nuff said!

next step

to my health and well being.

The Wild Rose cleanse.  I have heard wonderful things about what this can do for your mind, body and spirit.  I am excited to take this next step in what has been a year of fabulous changes for me.

The ‘date’ (aka ‘Kat’) is doing a similar one at the same time.  =)  And yes, I’ve seen her a bit lately.  And no, I wont give you anymore details….

Ok, I am off to eat everything and anything I can get my hands on today because as of midnight tonight its all going to change!

calm

Im laying down on my couch, new book in hand, Janey at my feet and the window slipped open enought to hear the murmurs of life outside.

The trials of living with depression and anxiety have faded into the past.

Things are good.

Easy.

Easy.

I do not think I have ever said that about life.

I am going to try that again.  I think life is as easy as it ever has been (as an adult ).  I have time to do what I want.  The world is literally at my feet.  Apparently that makes me write in cliches …

I have a responsibility to work hard at my important relationships – and at work – but beyond that I do not feel any heavy burden of responsibility that I feel I cannot shoulder.  It all feels under control.  Manageable.  I may have actually got some things right – I may have set things straight – I may have succeeded in setting my life on a good track.  And I have time right now to go in any direction I choose.  I can choose the track!

My.Life.Comes.With.Choice.

My life comes with choice.  Said it twice and I still believe it.

Not just a choice.  CHOICES!

A lot of the time I choose to be with me.  Just me.  I want to relax and walk or read or write.  I have time to dream.  And I dream big.  I want to see it all.

I have time to think about the past and I feel healed with that time.  I have forgiven myself and others.  I can think about past loves, family, motherhood, struggles *some self inflicted – some forced on me* and know that I have never been so at peace with who I am, who I have been and who I see myself as in the future.  I am proud of me.  And I consider myself lucky to have the love I have in my life.

A calmness has set in to my liffe.  That calmness has been in my actions and in my needs and desires for quite a number of years.  But, finally – finally! that calm has found itself settling into my life events as well.

Along with this calm has come a dulling of of sorts.  A dulling of my senses.  As many of you know me personally, or have followed this online diary for some time, you know I feel.  Really feel.  Everything.  Not just my own feelings, others’ as well…

I am an extremely sensitive person.  I know, I know, you are shocked!  =)

I am sensitive emotionally and physically.  I can smell when my best friend is sick – a week before it happens.  It is just a subtle change but it is (was – I miss you love) there.  My skin is sensitive.  I can feel a stray hair off my head in my shirt … it itches like a bug bit me.  One night in my old place I woke up itching my calf.  Closed my eyes again… and argh… my calf was still itchy and it would not stop … I finally turned on the light to go to the bathroom and sure enough there was a hair under the cuff of my jammies.

I am alert to body language.  I can sense in a tone, a walk, a turn of one’s head where a mood lays.  It affects me.  I notice it.  I am so aware of it.  I can sense a mood of a restaurant, an office and the tone of an email.  If the mood was anything less than positive I would always want to or feel that I needed to change it.  What a burden.  And a misplaced sense of power.  There is no way that everyone’s mood or change of mood could always have something to do with me.  And with that thought – there is no way that I have had or will have the power to change one’s mood.  I am learning where the control lies.  With me.  I can control me, my thoughts, actions and reactions.  Beyond that, it is out of my control.  And that is ok.

A lot of this sensitivity has helped to shape me into the woman I am today.  I care very deeply for the people in my world and caring as I do makes me work harder to be a better mother, daughter, sister, friend, coworker and lover on a daily, consistent basis.  I screw it up often.  I don’t always get it right (not even close), but I care enough about the people in my life to want to do right by each of them.  I want to enrich my loved one’s lives, I want to leave a mark – a quiet smile on the lips of those I love.

After my illness some of this dulled.

I still love as deeply as I did.  I just feel the impact differently.  This has impacted my creativity.  My writing.  I know part of it is the medication.  It dulls the bad feelings along with some of the good I suppose.  Some parts of me seem to have been turned down a notch.

I feel like I may be a different shade of the colour I was before.

Do I look different?

hockey, exes, friends, another date with the ‘date’, a baby, and a fundraiser for a dead dog…

This is me and my friend Chris.  I am missing her like crazy today.  Silly rabbit lives in Prince Rupert!

So first things first.  I fell in love this weekend.  Meet Laura:

Laura aka \

Christine, aka BigHair was in town this weekend for a hockey tournament with three of her hockey mates.  Laura is Janice’s daughter.  I looked after little Laura while her mommy kicked butt on the ice.  I am so in love.

The weekend was tonnes of fun but sometimes the Land o’ Lesbians can be small and cramped and full of silliness.  =)  To prove just how small it can be – this weekend Christine and her friends ended up playing on my exgirlfriend’s (I’ll call her Ellen because she looks just like her) team!  It was just a coincidence, they had never met.  Weird though, no?

– and to make the Land o’ Lesbians world even smaller –

now playing on the ex’s team is a very beautiful woman who used to go out with the girl who lived in one of the suites at the old house.  Chico (still missing in action by the way), all his friends and everyone we knew was in love with her!  She is russian and NOT UGLY.  =)  And there she was playing on ‘Ellen’s’ team alongside Chris and her friends.  SCORE.  haha

I am thinking we may need a Six Degrees of Separation Chart soon! =)

Here’s another pic of Laura and her mama Janice:

Laura and her mama

Aren’t they adorable?!

Friday night was a late game so we played it mellow yellow and didn’t do much.

Saturday night we decided to go to Lick.  We all went out –  Chris, Chris’ sister Heather, Candice, Alisha, the ‘date’ who I will now call Kat because well, she is kind of hot like Kat (Kat Von D). 

This is Kat VonD in case you somehow have missed this beauty on tvland:

kat

Ok, she doesn’t really look like that, she is sweeter and cuter, but has some beautiful ink on her too… 

ANYWAYS, nuff said!

Lick.  Small little place with live music, lots of great Vancouver women and US!

Tegan from Tegan and Sara was at Lick announcing for the Fundraiser for the Dead Dog.  Yep, you read that right.  Heather (see pic below) in her loud drunk voice kept saying “You bleeping lesbians and your bleeping fundraisers for your bleeping dead bleeping dogs!” in the middle of the bar.  Did I mention that she is cute as hell and it is quite possible that if she hadn’t been yelling such things in the middle of the bar that she would have been carried over some smitten girl’s shoulder and out the door!?  =)

Here’s a pic of Heather, in all her drunken crazy laughing glory:

heather

After a few rounds, some shooters, conversations with the local tattoo artists that run/own Liquid Amber, the all girl tattoo shop I got my ‘M’ tattoo at, and not winning a single thing for all the $ we spent on the raffle tickets for the Fundraiser for the Dead Dog … we decided it was time for a little dancing at Celebrities. 

We get there and meet Alisha’s cousin who is the cutest little gay boy I have ever met.  He has the best job ever… he spent half the night dancing on the bar! =)

Here is a pic of Alisha with Chris:

alicia and chris

and one of Candice and Janice:

candice and janice

We all got drinks and most of the girls went out on the dance floor.  ‘Kat’ and I are not into the dancing so we went upstairs on the balcony to people watch …  Some very nice things happened up there on that balcony but my mom reads this here blog … so I will leave it at that! =)

We ended up at Denny’s shoving eggs, pancakes and hashbrowns down our throats at 3 a.m.!  Heather danced by the jukebox and mooned us through the window!  She looks like an innocent little Amish girl but someone ought to tell her hubby not to let her out of Squamish with us again!  =)

Good times! 

Sunday was a very early game so I slept at the hotel with all the girls.  Before falling asleep Christine announces that she can only fall asleep if her hand is ‘here’, ‘here’ being on my butt.  Geez.  =)  I warned you I was going to blog about that so no whining!

After a nap Sunday afternoon I spent the evening with Chris.  I am going to miss her, she is a wonderful friend.  Here we are at the Cat’s Meow…

Come back soon BigHair.  I miss ya’!

Anyways, this has been a very long post.

Here are a few more pics of the weekend ….

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