on migraines

How do I know I have a migraine you ask?

See that nice sharp hard corner on your filing cabinet?

It is taking all my strength not to fling my head back and smash my head as hard as I can into it.

Did you notice my many bathroom breaks today?

No, I dont have a bladder infection, I have been throwing up.  Yes, barfing.  At work, anywhere actually that a migraine decides to kick my ass.  For five seconds as I am leaving that stall I feel better.  By the time I wash my hands and walk back to my desk or whatever else I was doing (recently it was a date) I need to turn back around and throw up again.

Remember morning sickness?  That was a picnic compared to this nausea.

Aspirin you say?  Advil?  Extra Strength whatsit?  No, noooo I cannot take another aspirinadvilextrastrenthwhatsit.  Why?  Well, the last forty I took so I could get out of bed have eaten right through the lining of my stomach and I don’t think that is helping my situation any.  What, really?  They work for your little headaches?  Aw, isn’t that nice.  I think I mentioned I get migraines.  Different ball game.  Actually different sport altogether.  Like comparing the ballet to the UFC.  Yep.  Pain meds?  Wish list:  to receive morphine intravenously.  Really.  Yes, It is that bad.

You know how you mentioned that girl that sits beside you at work – you know the one that her perfume ‘irritates’ you?  Yeah her.  Ok, you know the other girl – the one that sits way down the hall and around the corner?  My migraine gives me super powers – I can smell her perfume, the one she put on YESTERDAY and has since showered off.  Yes, yes, that is a neat superpower.  That also means I can smell the smoker two blocks away and the fact that the guy in the elevator stood beside someone else on the bus who wasn’t wearing deodorant.  And all those smells – they hurt my head more and make me take at least four extra trips to talk to the big white phone in the bathroom on a migraine day.

And lighting.  Lighting.  Fun stuff.  You know those neat little lights above your desk?  For me, they aren’t a little bright.  They actually make me anxious.  Anxious because I know if I get even the slightest bit of a headache that those babies will start to feel like someone is boring holes through my retina with a laser device.  Oh yeah, so does my computer monitor.  Fun stuff these migraines.

And no Im not being a snotty bitch, that whimsical giddy fun voice of the average woman saying hello, the one that made me cringe?  Yes, she is beautiful and animated and awesome but for me – during a migraine – that little voice sounds like a drill.  And the drill is buzzing directly into my ear.  Slowly and surely.  But the drill doesn’t see to drill right into the part of my head I need it to to relieve the pressure – so its just another form of torture.

Oh yes, and if I am lucky enough to have one of them fifty dollar ‘miracle’ pills handy that ‘cures’ my migraine … within a half hour, my pain is a beautiful dull roar … but I am sure about five thousand brain cells went with the pain and I cannot understand the simplest task you are asking me to do.  So yes, thank you, I do feel better, I just cant do simple math or hold my own fork until tomorrow.  No I am not staring at your tongue… oh wait yes, I am, I am trying to focus.  Sigh.

Ok, done.  End of migraine rant.

NerdGirl Disclaimer:

This is directed at no one.  I took a ‘writing liberty’ for ‘effect’ to write the post this way.  Apparently a migrine hangover makes me a comic too.

Anyways, blogging friends feel free to chime in.  I am sure I am not the only one enjoying these lovely long ‘episodes’!  Do you have cures?  Stories?  Rants?  Anything?  Something!  Join me in my pain!

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5 Comments

  1. Lala* said,

    May 27, 2008 at 10:33 am

    Hi darling girl..I feel your pain.. well not right now thank the Gods or I’d be curled up in the fetal position somewhere &very much not typing.. *sigh*

    Yes I get them too..seems to be connected to my Cycle.. & in looking it up found a observation that ‘As women reach their middle yrs these menstrual migraines seem to get worse” NICE!!
    We are NOT in our middle year yet …I refuse! ~lol~
    anywho..I can’t believe you go to work when they are that bad hon ..that is just crazy!
    curious whether you have seen any specialist about them, when & what sets them off… & all sorts of other things..

    we really should try to hook up for coffee some time if you are up for it 🙂

  2. prin said,

    May 27, 2008 at 6:21 pm

    You know, tea usually helps my headaches. Or sometimes a banana.

    I’m just messing. I know they suck. I’m one of the lucky ones whose migraines (from post-concussion syndrome) went away with a little skull rearranging.

    (hugs)

  3. Technodoll said,

    May 27, 2008 at 6:23 pm

    Amen to that. I survived a 2-day Class-A migraine over the weekend that at one point had me contemplating the drill, if I put holes in my skull would the pain be alleviated?

    Seriously. No pain meds work and then you just puke them up anyways. Who pukes on an empty stomach for hours on end? We do.

    Forget prisons. Find a way to inflict migraines for life on offenders and see the crime rate plunge down to less than zero.

    /end sympathy rant/

  4. M.E. said,

    May 27, 2008 at 11:56 pm

    you have my complete sympathy with those devil migraines. liquid benadryl used to help mine if i took it soon enough. but what actually cured me of migraines was homeopathy. 23 years ago this summer.

  5. May 29, 2008 at 4:22 am

    Never had migraines, thankfully, but had a friend who did. Acupuncture can be helpful, and is less invasive than drugs, if you don’t mind the needles.


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