a little setback

Good morning blogworld.

Thursday night I had a little setback in my health.  Nothing like last year – but enough to frighten me.  I am feeling a little bit ‘off’.  I cannot find another word to describe it.  I can just tell my brain isn’t firing quite right.  When I woke up Friday morning I was still feeling this way and by the time I got to work I was really not myself and knew it – I knew I needed to take action – I worked too hard last year to fight the defection of my brain to let it slip into control again.

I am not about to backslide now when my life is so good.  Im a fighter.

Decision: 

  1. Call in the troops.  Mom, Chico, boss.
  2. Make Dr. appointment (Monday).
  3. Cancel weekend plans that suddenly felt like obligations rather than fun.

I called mom to let her know what is going on.  Tough to do but necessary.  I struggle with worrying her but know that if I decide I need her over the weekend that she will be out to visit in a heartbeat.  That, in itself, is calming.  Yes, I know, I am lucky.  I then made a doctor appointment to check on the med situation and to talk about how I am feeling.  Knowing I get to see Dr. T. on Monday is very reassuring – he is a very important member of ‘team Kelly’.  I then emailed Chico to let him know what is going on and let my wonderful boss know I wasn’t feeling quite right.  I cancelled all my plans for the weekend (other than the painting!).  I feel the need for some ‘me’ time to sort out how I feel about my brain betraying me.  Cancelling the plays was kind of a bummer, but the right thing to do under the circumstances.

Chico is coming over tonight for a visit.  We are going to walk Junior, get some food, and relax in my freshly painted bachelorette pad.  He is going through a life changing time right now and just hanging together will be good for both of us.

So as you can see I am doing everything I am supposed to do.  This means it will work itself out.  I am confident of that.

So, this morning I got up and took Junior for his walk.  We ended up side by side on a local breakfast restaurant patio with the newspaper, sourdough toast and oatmeal!  Somewhat healthier than the usual McDonalds breakfast.  Hey – Im willing to try anything. 

We then went to pick out the paint at the local little neighbourhood hardware store as my painters are coming this afternoon.  I have posted below pictures of the two colours I bought.  Im not sure this accurately reflects the shades – they are more gray than purple and darker. 

Main Paint Colour – Alley  Cat:

Secondary Paint Colour – Flannel Pajamas:

 

I will post a picture when the painters leave today. 

I hope you are all doing well.  Thanks for your ‘ear’.

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the good and the bad

My life is full of new and exciting things right now.

Interesting developments for me at the firm I work at, running into old friends (one after another), making new friends, concerts, dates, charity events and a new home. 

All of it wonderful.

One thing missing.

My best friend.

Almost a month and a half of no contact.  I miss him terribly.

down day

 eye.jpg

Today was littered with disappointment.

I know that some days we will feel let down and unhappy.

I know that everyday cannot be perfect.

But do the disappointments need to come at you all in one day?

Perhaps something pleasing will come my way tomorrow …

am tired today

Busy Weekend.  Am working hard at the office.

And am missing my best friend.  A lot.

Also wanting to strangle him. 

It vascillates between the two extremes about ten times a day.

What can I say?  I’m a girl.  It is my perogative to feel fourteen different things that conflict with one another all at the same time.  I’m allowed.  So suck it up!  =)

Love Day continued…

Didn’t my first post about Love Day sound beautiful?

Kind of went downhill from there.

When I wrote that post I hadn’t been able to sleep because of a really bad cough I developed over the last couple of days.  I wrote that post early and decided to head into work early.  I figured if I couldn’t sleep I may as well get my lawyers ready for their respective trips next week.

I’m a silly rabbit.  Things didn’t exactly go that way.

There has been a bad virus going around our office and I was kidding myself thinking my asthma was bothering me and I had a ‘little’ cough.  By the time everyone else started rolling into the office I couldnt stop coughing.  And breathing was difficult.  I was taking really shallow breaths, my inhaler was not working on my breathing issues and my hands were numb.  I sat down and said to “S” my  boss, “um I think something’s wrong, can you call Chico”. 

It was hospital time.

Now do not go thinking this went from zero to sixty in an hour.  I knew, deep down, I wasn’t well.  I just figured it would get better.  Big strong NerdGirl.  Got a cough, lungs hurt, can’t sleep, why of course – go to work – EARLY!  =)

I could barely walk without feeling like I was going to faint and my lips were going numb, along with my hands and feet.  Luckily one of the girls at work was kind enough to walk me downstairs and wait with me for Chico’s Chariot.  And “S” my boss kept checking on me even though she had a motion in court within the half hour (I work for a sweetie!).

Cheek showed up and we went to St. Pauls Hospital.  They took one look at me and stuck me on oxygen and ventolin and maybe something else.  Kind of a blur.

It wasn’t helping.  My breathe got shallower and I ended up feeling like I was going to faint.  I couldn’t seem to stop breathing fast and short and hard.  Possibly a little NerdGirl panic going on too … anyways, about that time I whisked off to a room!  By this time I was faint, the lips and face were going numb and I had hyperventilated so my hands had gone stiff.  Sitting upright in the chair wasn’t going to cut it much longer anyways.

Doc came in.  I have a virus in my lungs.  No antibiotics will help that.  And combined with asthma, I am in for a bit of a ride!  He gave me something to help me sleep so I spent the better part of Valentines Day in St. Pauls Hospital vascillating between the sweet relief of sleep and the coughing fits felt like I was going to finally cough up the rocks I was sure were placed in my lungs when I wasn’t looking.  Eventually they needed the bed space in Emerg so the doc came to talk to me for a bit … he thought it was a bit ironic that I wanted my lungs to be feeling better in time to do my Sheraton Wall Centre Climb for the BC Lung Association on Sunday!  Argh.

I got home around dinnertime.  (Looking back now, I shouldn’t have left so soon.)  I had drugs in hand and a different inhaler.  I was pretty delirious when the doc talked to me so what he told me was for is a bit of a blur. 

I settled into jammies, Chico went back to work and I coughed for hours.

This is hard for me to admit:

Being a woman who really likes being alone, living alone and having alone time….  But I will say it anyways…. It sucks to be alone when you are this ill.  I felt so faint that getting to the bathroom or refilling water was a no go.  My mom and stepdad are on a cruise and I couldnt get a hold of my sister.  Megan offered to come out but it felt funny taking the help from my daughter (idiot I know!)  Chico came back around 9 pm with some food and juice.  I took some codeine the doc gave me and it calmed my lungs down long enough to sleep for awhile. 

So here I am up again.  Its very early in the morning.  It is hard to sleep as it is because my new sofabed broke already and cannot be used in the down position.  The bastards that sold it to me wont call me back so its the floor or the small couch position. …. it is around 2 a.m.  The cat is scared to come near me because my cough sounds like a farm animal lives in my chest.  Chico is sleeping on the floor (snoring).  It makes me feel secure knowing he is here for the night.

Oh yeah, earlier in the evening I sucked it up and asked Megan to come help out tomorrow.  So my lovely girl will be here to help her mama out before she goes to work in the afternoon.  I hate depending on her for something like this – its MY job to look after her – but I need some help and she is such a lovely kid that she is more than willing to go grab my prescriptions and make sure if Im feeling faint again that I make it to the bathroom!  fun fun fun!  At least this way Chico will be able to work today without interruption – I am feeling like a burden. 

Ok blogging friends I am going to see what is in the bag of goodies the hospital doc gave me – hopefully there is something that will get me back to sleep and stop coughing again for a bit.  My lungs hurt.  Bad.

At some point tomorrow I will read your blogs.  I hope you guys got at least a kiss on Valentines Day!  =)

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