down day

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Today was littered with disappointment.

I know that some days we will feel let down and unhappy.

I know that everyday cannot be perfect.

But do the disappointments need to come at you all in one day?

Perhaps something pleasing will come my way tomorrow …

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you

Come in.
I’ve been waiting for you.
There’s a knock on the door
And love walks through.

And lights the fire, smiles…the smile,
As though love were going to stay awhile.

And the fire breathes
And weaves its spell.
But then, love runs out of lies to tell.

For love is restless.
Love’s a flirt.
It has places to go
And people to hurt.

Here’s the shovel
To smother the flame.
Tomorrow you’ll barely
Remember my name.

And I’ll try to forget you,
My deareast one,
As a prisoner tries to forget the sun.

For life holds no purpose…
Love holds no charms
Since I beheld you
In another’s arms.

From the movie ‘Til There Was You

——————

i know this is going to come as a shock to you all …

… I am a little sensitive. 

Ok, lie.

I am extremely sensitive.

Everytime some kind person points out this “flaw” in my personality I feel like I am failing the game of life.

I feel everything.  When you tell me your story, and it is sad, I picture it, feel it and will convey my emotions.  I dont have to try hard to understand your feelings, I instinctively feel them too.  I know this is an unpopular sentiment, but I even feel for Britney.

When you say something to me and it is negative, I do not brush it off, it sits with me, it hurts.  Even if the logical side of my brain can work out that you are wrong in your assumption or statement, I will still be affected.  I cannot change this.  I am 38 years old, if this hasn’t changed by now, it probably isn’t going to.

I was on my way out the door this afternoon and Ellen caught my eye.  I have a little crush on her.  Always have.  Anyways, she was discussing her crying spell on her show over the ‘Iggy’ fiasco.  She admitted that she is an emotional and sensitive person.  She straight out said that she feels and then expresses her emotions.

ELLEN.SAYS.THAT.IS.OK.

If it is good enough for Ellen, it is good enough for me.

up and down

I am feeling lonely today.

Some days I feel better, today I dont.

I am feeling too fragile to connect with anyone to get rid of my loneliness.

I realize this makes no sense.

But there it is.

I wish I could take credit for this

No matter how you choose to define it.

It is you.

For you:

If I were a cinnamon peeler
I would ride your bed
and leave the yellow bark dust
on your pillow.


Your breasts and shoulders would reek
you could never walk through markets
without the profession of my fingers
floating over you.

The blind would stumble
certain of whom they approached
though you might bathe
under rain gutters, monsoon.

Here on the upper thigh
at this smooth pasture
neighbor to your hair
or the crease
that cuts your back.

This ankle.

You will be known among strangers
as the cinnamon peeler’s wife.

I could hardly glance at you before marriage
never touch you — your keen nosed mother,
your rough brothers.

I buried my hands
in saffron, disguised them
over smoking tar,
helped the honey gatherers…

When we swam once
I touched you in water
and our bodies remained free,
you could hold me and be blind of smell.

You climbed the bank and said
this is how you touch other women
the grasscutter’s wife, the lime burner’s daughter.

And you searched your arms
for the missing perfume.
and knew
what good is it
to be the lime burner’s daughter
left with no trace
as if not spoken to in an act of love
as if wounded without the pleasure of scar.

You touched
your belly to my hands
in the dry air and said
I am the cinnamonpeeler’s wife.

Smell me.

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